Watch Me Fall - Chapter 1.9

This spot holds so much more than happy memories; it also holds the one memory I can’t seem to escape no matter how much I try to run from it. It haunts every waking moment; every single dream is turned into the real nightmare I lived. I swallow hard as I crawl to the edge of the glossy ocean. My reflection stares back at me as the moon glistens and shines above.

Mascara has run down my cheeks from my sky blue eyes and my smile has vanished into a never ending frown. I’m not the girl I used to be. Time has a way of changing things, transforming people places and things from the way they were in the beginning. Its evil twisted ways have changed me for the worst. I blame myself for everything that’s happened. It was my entire fault he came out this way that fateful night.

Hovering my hand over my reflection I place into the ice cold water. Shaking my head in acknowledgement I know now that if I were to go into the ocean I wouldn’t make it for long. I want to do this; no I need to do this. It’s the only way I can forget him and the only way I can be with him. I sniffle as I look up at the never ending sky and wonder what it would be like to fly above the stars.
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I leaned up against the wall with my arms folded with a small smirk as Ryan talked away with Michael. They were planning on some guy’s night out, but of course Ryan felt like he had to talk to me to make sure it was okay. He kept saying he didn’t want to leave me by myself since my friends were too busy doing their own thing. It seemed more and more that they just never had time for me anymore. Though I insisted multiple times it would be good for him to have a good night out with the guys.

“Are you sure?” He took my hand in his and squeezed it gently. “I don’t want to leave you here bored out of your mind.” I squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“Ryan you worry too much. I’m big girl I can entertain myself. Now you go on and have some fun.” I kissed him lightly on the lips. “I love you.”
He grabbed a hold of the door knob and turned back to look at me. “I love you too Lucy.” He smiled and walked out of the door.

I sighed and plopped down on the couch finally able to have some time to think. I need to tell him something, and yet I didn’t know how to tell him. I was worried about his reaction because it’s not like I could just come out and say it. How odd would that be to blurt something like that out in the open. All the signs were there, and the doctor herself confirmed it. I was pregnant. Feeling tired I slumped forward. Maybe I should just go lay down.

Slicking my hair back I grabbed a book from the self as I made my way towards the bedroom and lay in bed. As I opened the book I took in a deep breath and as I began read my eyelids grew heavy and soon, I was fast asleep.

RYAN’s POV:

I didn’t want to leave her there all by herself, but the more she insisted the more I knew she would be mad at me if I didn’t at least go out and enjoy myself. It’s a relief yes, to get away from all the wedding planning and relax with the guys for a while. I just wish Lucy would have been able to do the same with her friends.

It was always a big thing for my friends and I to go out and hang out by the ocean at night. I don’t know what it was about it, but I think it’s just the way the moon looked across the rippling water and the fish glistened in the night sky while we were out on the ocean. I’ll admit yes there’s drinking and music, but that’s just how we relaxed.

As we hiked down to our spot the sensation of something bad was going to happen struck me. I felt uneasy and slightly skittish as we neared the water’s edge. The crashing of the waves lapped at our feet as we sat down gazing out at the sunset.

“You know man, we need to do this more often.” Michael leaned over handing me an open bottle. Taking a quick swig to douse my nerves I shook my head yes. “Though we all know how wrapped up in that girl you are.”

I slightly laughed as I took another drink. “Yeah man, but what can I say I love the girl. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
The night was going good. We reminisced and became crazy idiots. We didn’t realize what was about to happen though. Even drunk and happy I still had that feeling in the back of my head. The shot of the gun that was determined to take my life was covered up by the crashing of the waves.

At first I didn’t feel it, but when it hit the pain was searing beyond all reason. I collapsed to the ground with my friends unaware of what had happened they still dance about the fire like drunken loons. I tried to call out for them, but they couldn’t hear me.

I grasped at my side and closed my eyes. The last thing I wanted to see was her smiling face. I knew I wouldn’t make it. I’d never be able to see her again. See her smiling face. Hold her close or feel the warmth of her body next to mine. I’d never start the family I knew she longed for. As I took my last few breaths I watched as all the memories we shared play behind my eyes.

Lucy’s POV:

I awoke to a loud crashing noise at the front door. Startled I almost fell out of bed. Collecting myself I got up and made my way to the living room, but before I got fully out of the bedroom door I was forced up against the wall and forcefully kissed. Confused I tried to push away who I thought was Ryan. How wrong was I, when I was able to finally push him away and see it was Colby.

“Colby!” I shoved him hard causing him the trip over the end of the bed. “What the heck are you doing here?” I backed up slowly towards the door as he tried to get up off of the floor.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d have you one day?” His twisted smile glared back at me as he made his way towards me. I sucked in a deep breath as I turned to run, but he caught my arm before I could get to the front door. I was crying and pleading for Ryan to come home and help me in my mind.

Yanking me towards him he glared into my eyes. “He’s not coming home.” His whisper was as deadly and poisonous as it made its way into my thoughts. Lights pierced through the windows as someone pulled in, and that someone was probably Ryan. Instinct took over and I managed to knee him where it counts. He dropped slightly towards the floor and I managed to make it to the front door.

But it wasn’t Ryan there to help me. Instead I was greeted to two grim looking police officers. It didn’t really click until after they took Colby into custody, but I had a grave feeling something was horribly wrong. I knew Ryan would have been back by now. It was almost day break, and there was no sign of him.

The gravel crunched beneath the police officers as they made their way back towards me. “I’m Officer Stewart and this is Officer Silvas. I do take it you are Lucy Reed.” This wasn’t good and they knew I knew it. I shook my head yes as my heart jumped up into my throat. Officer Stewart took off his hat as he lightly placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry miss, but I’ve got some bad news for you, but your fiancé has been…” I broke. I knew what he was going to say, and I didn’t want to hear it.

I collapsed onto the rocky gravel of my driveway and cried. Officer Silvas bent down and helped me back up and did the best he could to comfort me. “I’m so very sorry for your loss miss.” My heart shattered into a million pieces. “We need you to come in and identify his body. I know it’s a lot to ask, but it needs to be done so the preparations can begin.” He truly did sound remorseful and I let them guide me to their car as I stayed in a state of shock.

I couldn’t help but ask what happened, and I regret asking. It just made everything ten times worse. I was the cause of his death, and I knew exactly who did it. Colby. I couldn’t help but blurt it out, but they reassured me they were told by Michael and Dillon they were sure it was Colby who was leaving the scene shortly after the shooting.

I was sick to my stomach by the time we arrived at the morgue. I stood by a body with a sheet lightly draped over it, and I could see every outline of Ryan’s face beneath it. When they reviled his face the sound of me slowly dying inside escaped my lips. Sensing that I wanted to be left alone they left me so I could say my final good-byes.

I took his cold stiff hand in mine as I gazed upon what once was my whole life. I licked my lips and begged for me to wake up in bed with him beside me, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. He was dead and gone, and it was my entire fault. I lightly leaned over and kissed the top of his head as I let a single tear slide down my cheek and onto his ice cold skin. I’ll never be able to feel his strong arms around me, or the love he felt for me ever again. I’m going to miss his smile and the upbeat laughter and joy he brought into my life.

“I’m so sorry Ryan.” I choked back a sob. “You were going to be a father; I know you would have been an amazing one. I love you Ryan, and I’ll never forget you.”